Call them what you like: Unresolvable Differences; Perpetual Problems or Irreducible Issues; every couple has them. Repeat: EVERY COUPLE HAS THEM. And that just may be okay.
A few other things might just matter more:
1) Do you have enough other things in common? Does the relationship have sufficient counterbalancing strengths?
2) Do you have the wisdom to lay your differences aside and enjoy your strengths?
3) Have you developed the relationship skills to manage your way through or around these issues? Do you know how to “fight fair”? Raise issues constructively without damaging the relationship?
Folks, we all have our quirks, our peculiarities, our failings and faults. So do our partners. Deal with it! Yes, you can change partners and at some level of conflict that may be appropriate. However, often we merely manage to change the scenery and supporting cast but the script remains all too familiar. Everywhere you go, there you are, dragging yourself, your past, and your all too precious issues with you!
Some of this springs from unrealistic expectations created by the “love conquers all” romantic myth promulgated by Hollywood et al and some of it springs from our reluctance to do the hard internal personal growth work necessary for us to grow. We hope some new magic diet will substitute for the healthy eating and exercise we KNOW we need to do and we hope that some new magic partner will result in a relationship without problems.
Closing Quote:
“Change your partner and you only change the specific set of unresolvable issues between you and your partner.” – Hara Estroff Marano, askhara@psychologytoday.com
As always, I share what I most want/need to learn. – Nathan S. Collier
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