I am by nature (and by now, choice) a task-oriented person. I’ve an efficiency/optimization mindset and an achievement mentality and in terms of business success it has served me well. I’ve always said, “If you need the beaches taken, I’m your man but if it’s nation building you need, I’ll send my CEO.” (she is beyond wonderful, possessing both high EQ and extraordinary high standards and has a terrific way about her that brings out the best in people).
As I look back over my life, my biggest whiffs were most likely ‘soft’ mistakes, errors of EQ, not fully ‘seeing’ others, both good (overlooking potential) and bad (not perceiving mega weakness). My life changed majorly when in my mid 50’s I found myself holding an infant in my arms, my one and only beloved son. Somewhere around 5 years old, every sentence seemed to start with Daddy this or Daddy that; it was music to my ears. So, I kicked myself up to executive chair and said goodbye to 70-hour workweeks, my priority was my son.
With that softening came an unexpected benefit: I became a better leader and my people skills improved dramatically. Soon my son will enter college and in all likelihood my life will change again. I’ve always wanted to live a long and healthy life: physical activity and nutritious eating have always been a part of my lifestyle; I gave up drinking a long time ago and never smoked. However, all my reading tells me I’ve got one more aspect to master to maximize my longevity potential: an extensive network of relationships. I live in a relatively small town, work in a wonderful organization full of extraordinary, dedicated, positive, friendly people, and I teach every semester; I ‘know’ many, many people. However, I’m a ‘business extrovert’ but very much an introvert in my personal life. My network is wonderfully wide but certainly could have greater depth.
So how to deepen my relationships? As I usually do, I turned to a book for guidance, in this case “How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen” by David Brooks. As many a good author does, David’s writing served to help organize my thoughts and remind me of things I ‘knew’ but had not thought deeply enough about and filled in missing pieces, adding interesting insights along the way. David showed me new and different paths up a mountain I thought I’d already fully mapped out.
I just finished a chapter with this message: relationships are born of shared experience and an important component of that is cultivating the ‘art of lingering’, relaxing, slowing down, and hanging around to allow the relationship to develop and emerge.
As I read it, I realized that if I wanted to cultivate deeper relationships, I would have to learn the art of lingering, for I’m always hearing the siren call of productivity, of the next thing on my ‘to do’ list. Then the question came bumbling up from my inner sage: At this stage of my life, in the 8th decade of my existence, what could be more important than doing the things that create more days of your life?
Closing Quotes:
“Sometimes it’s worth lingering on the journey for a while before getting to the destination.” – Michelle Mead, b. 1976, fantasy author
“Why hurry over beautiful things? Why not linger and enjoy them?” – Clara Josephine Schumann, 1819–1896, German pianist/composer
“We do not obtain the most precious gifts by going in search of them but by waiting for them.” – Simone Weil, 1909-1943, French philosopher
“Whomever wants life must go softly towards life, softly as one would towards a deer…” – D. H. (David Herbert) Lawerence, 1885-1930, English novelist, short story writer, poet, playwright, literary critic, travel writer, essayist, painter
As always, I share what I most want and need to learn. – Nathan S. Collier
0 Comments