1) Get Your Self Talk on Your Side:
We all have a little voice inside our head that carries on a running internal dialogue. Sometimes it’s a critic, shaming, blaming, and scaring. Other times it’s a friend, cheering us on, coaching us, and believing in us. Start turning that dial exclusively toward the “friend/coach/cheerleader channel”. The one thing in life you can learn to control is your mind. While you may not always be able to control the thoughts that come to mind, you can certainly control the ones that stay in mind. Not saying it is easy or a skill that can be learned overnight BUT it is an ability you can acquire with effort and practice (I can hear some of you: “Oh, those two things, Effort and Practice AGAIN? Can’t I just take a pill?” No, not if you want to live your best life. But! The more you do anything, the easier it becomes and as you see the rewards from effort and practice you will find yourself deploying them with more and more enthusiasm in various areas of your life).
2) Make a Life Plan:
You have at least six major roles in life; you need to have at least some vague idea of what you would like to see develop in those areas and how you can make it happen.
– Family/Primary Relationship
Written goals powerfully clarify the mind. It is also a good idea to spend some time thinking about WHY you want these things/events/accomplishments in your life. What is the purpose of each goal? Make sure you have a deep, personal emotional connection to each goal or they will not motivate you. If they don’t arouse enthusiasm they may be someone else’s goals (parents, Madison Ave, peers) shoved into your brain without being fully vetted. How do you think they will make you feel, change your life, etc. As time passes, compare your predictions with reality and use it to deepen your self-awareness/self-knowledge and refine your abilities as an emotional forecaster! Timeline, targets, action plans are all good tools to deploy in implementing your life plan.
3) Practice Positive Affirmations:
This is one to get your Self Talk on your side. Say you don’t know how to use affirmations? I assure you that you are using affirmations in your life right now, just not effectively: Worry is nothing but series of negative “affirmations” and so is doubt and self-criticism! Affirmations should be short, positive, and PERSONAL. They should speak to you on an emotional level. There are books and books of affirmations, websites full of them. Here are five of my personal favorites:
“My sense of self is anchored deep within, from that flows wonderful peace.”
“My positive thoughts create my positive world.” (I sometimes substitute “happy” or “joyous”)
“I release all thoughts that hurt.”
“Calmness washes over me with every deep breath I take. Every breath I take fills me with harmony and peace.”
“Being calm and relaxed energizes my whole being. I practice this feeling every day.”
As always, I share what I most want/need to learn. – Nathan S. Collier