We all leak information all day long and we are often totally unaware of it. Scientists call this ‘involuntary signal emission’ which is a fancy way of saying ‘who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear (or don’t believe) what you are saying’.
Our bodies communicate below our conscious awareness via:
Posture and orientation (open v. closed stance, crossed arms)
Faces (micro and macro expressions, engaged eye contact v. distracted/roving eye, forced smile v. authentic, and what is your base-line face?, everyone’s ‘neutral’ face differs)
Voice (pace, pitch, volume: do you interrupt or wait?)
Timing (pauses can mean risk calculation: weighing consequences of disclosure or emotional regulation: dampening an emotional reaction before speaking… or could just mean preparing a thoughtful response)
Conversation fillers: (“uh,” “well,” “so…” can reflect uncertainty or nervousness)
Spatial behavior: (distance, positioning, touching, flinches: communicate comfort levels, also norms of your family of origin culture)
Alignment between words and body generally creates trust and believing, however a lack of alignment does not automatically mean deception. Such discrepancy can reflect internal uncertainty/confusion, a lack of confidence (in oneself or subject matter knowledge) or just cognitive overload i.e. speaking spontaneously before fully thinking it through. The classic misalignment is “I’m fine”, said too rapidly and with a tight jaw and flat or tense tone and is so well known that few ‘believe’ the words, we all ‘listen’ to the non-verbal message instead.
Our lives and our relationships will be richer when we increase our awareness of the subtle, nuanced messages we send and receive and how they impact the quality of our communication and connections.
Closing Quotes:
“There’s language in her eye, her cheek, her lip, nay, her foot speaks.” – Troilus and Cressida, Act IV, Scene V, William Shakespeare, 1564-1616
“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.” – John Maxwell, b. 1947, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently
“He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.” – Sigmund Freud, 1856-1939, Fragment of an Analysis of a Case of Hysteria
As always, I share what I most want and need to learn. – Nathan S. Collier
Note: Every effort has been made to properly source any 3rd person material. I am, however, a voracious reader. If anyone finds any unattributed material, pls let me know asap and I will be delighted to give credit where credit is due.
“All intelligent thoughts have already been thought; what is necessary is only to try to think them again.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1749-1832
