"Words have power" written on a chalkboard. The "O" in "words" is a red heart

The great Sufi poet, Rumi, believed that before we speak, our words should pass through three gates:

  1. Is it true?
  2. Is it necessary?
  3. Is it kind?

I’d suggest a 4th gate if you are speaking of someone else:

  1. Would you say it to their face?

Covey and 7H: ‘On Being Loyal to Those Not Present; Not Criticizing behind others’ backs, How to respond if others do’

Suppose you and I were talking alone and we were criticizing our supervisor in a way we would not do if they were present. If I silently listen, I send an implicit message of approval of your behavior AND you are displaying your character (or lack thereof). My trust is eroded since I know that if we have a falling out, you will likely be discussing my weakness with others.

On the other hand, suppose I respond to your critique of our supervisor by telling you I agree with some of your content and suggest the two of us go directly to our supervisor and make an effective presentation on how things might be improved.

As always, I share what I most want and need to learn. – Nathan S. Collier