“30 Methods of Influence” by Stephen R. Covey

“In our attempts to influence others, we commonly make three mistakes, all related either to ignoring or short-cutting these three categories of influence.” [1. Example: Who You Are and How You Act, modeling by doing (others see), 2. Relationship: Do you Understand and Care? (others feel), and 3. Instruction: What You Tell Me (others hear).]

“In the last analysis, what we are communicates far more eloquently and persuasively than what we say or even what we do.”

Mistake #1: Advise before understand. Before we try to tell others what to do, we need to establish an understanding relationship. The key to your influence with me is your understanding of me. Unless you understand me and my unique situation and feelings, you won’t know how to advise or counsel me. Unless you’re influenced by my uniqueness, I’m not going to be influenced by your advice. Cure: Empathy—seek first to understand, then to be understood.