Saw “Let’s Hug it Out” on a t-shirt on the streets of New York City a while back and was compelled to look it up. Urban Dictionary reports “Hug it Out” comes from an episode of “Friends”:
CHANDLER: You wanna hug it out?
PHOEBE: Yeah!
The phrase resonates with me. Too often we disagree and fight over the most trivial things, forgetting the deep underlying connections that are really so much more important. A good hug, a remembrance of the ties that bind, can be an excellent way to calm the waters and return to tranquility.
Many times I’ve asked myself, “Do you want to win, or do you want to be happy?” If it is racquetball or World War II, I want to win. In personal relationships, in community interactions, hey, I think I want to be genuinely happy. Not false consensus, paint over the rust with pretty paint, fake happy, but deep, real connection happy, yes. And sometimes that involves seeing the other person’s point of view, acknowledging his or her perspective and, yes, sometimes stepping aside and letting others implement their visions rather than my own.
In any close relationship, the only viable long-term answer to the question of who is winning is “both.” If both parties are not “winning” in a marriage, then in the end, both will lose.
So, keep hugging it out (either literally or figuratively, depending on your personal space preferences) as a first-line response, as an excellent coping mechanism for the petty quarrels and minor irritants of life that can drain our energy and derail our focus if we are not proactive and send them on their way. Life is too wonderful!