Sometimes you can’t win. Sometimes the most you can do is accept and move on. Believe me, it’s not my favorite option by far. I’m a radiant optimist with an almost irrational belief in my ability to turn any situation around, make peace with anyone. And yet, sometimes you just have to choose where to put your time and energy: “The wise farmer does not cast his seed on rocky ground.”
Recently, I witnessed someone repeat a lifelong pattern of attempting to win an emotionally distant parent’s approval. Dysfunctional family of origin dynamics played themselves out for the umpteenth time to great emotional distress. Ouch! Perhaps I’m too empathetic but it hurt just to view it from afar!
Sometimes you just have to accept whom people have decided to be (even if unfair or downright stubbornly wrong, perhaps even mean or cruel) and make your own decision to move on. STOP trying to hug the porcupine. In this case, perhaps lovingly leave certain members of your family of origin to their emotional prison and go create your own “family of choice”. It is anathema to some, but twice in my life I’ve shunned toxic blood relatives and put my loving energy where it was appreciated and reciprocated.
If you want to hug the porcupine, that is a personal choice… but please, please realize what you are doing and ask if you are truly doing what is best for you AND them as well. After all, you are rewarding/encouraging/facilitating dysfunctional behavior and thus perhaps perpetuating it & denying them the growth opportunity that change might bring.
“Don’t make someone a priority to whom you are only an option.” – Unknown
“You deserve someone who will jump over fences for you, not someone who is on the fence about being with you!”– Maxim
“Eventually, it comes down to loving ourselves enough to get rid of whatever we don’t feel good about in life. Remembering that I am worthy of change and deserve something better helps propel me forward whenever I’m struggling to let go of something that isn’t good for me, be it a relationship or some aspect of my behavior. When I begin to contemplate myself as worthy of something more, I find the desire to change so strong that nothing can stop me.”– Serena Dyer