“30 Methods of Influence” by Stephen R. Covey
“In our attempts to influence others, we commonly make three mistakes, all related either to ignoring or short-cutting these three categories of influence.” Examples are 1. Who You Are and How You Act, modeling by doing (others see), 2. Relationship: Do you Understand and Care? (others feel), and 3. Instruction: What You Tell Me (others hear).
Mistake #2: Attempt to build/rebuild relationships without changing conduct or attitude. We try to build or rebuild a relationship without making any fundamental change in our conduct or attitude. If our example is pockmarked with inconsistency and insincerity, no amount of “win friends” technique will work. As Emerson so aptly put it, ‘What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I can’t hear what you say.’ Cure: Show consistency and sincerity.
“In the last analysis, what we are communicates far more eloquently and persuasively than what we say or even what we do.”