Everyone wants to change the world, no one wants to change themselves.  Truer still, we want others to change (our partner, our kids, our boss). No one wants to change themselves.

The key to joy? To real progress? Change yourself. Let up a bit on the others, focus on what YOU can control.

It’s called radical acceptance. Others are the way they are and aren’t likely to change any time soon. Fact. Reality. So accept it and move on. Start working on yourself—the one thing you truly can change.

If someone’s behavior is truly unacceptable, then move on in a literal sense. Move out, change jobs, do whatever it takes. Because trying to change others is a losing game. Heck, it even often backfires. People can and do change, but they have to WANT it. And odds are most people will resent the idea that somehow you are so much more enlightened than they are to be qualified to be their critic and in charge of their personality makeovers.

It’s much better to invest your energy in something with a significantly higher percentage of success: you changing YOU.

Two bonuses (beyond a better you):

1.  Authentic acceptance communicates respect and creates bonding, which is key to influence and persuasion.

2.  When you create deep, meaningful change in your own life, you role model it for others (like happiness or being in the flow, it comes best as a byproduct, consciously seek it and it becomes much more elusive).